Book Review: Mommy Wars

"There has been lots of talk lately about balancing home and work: part-time work, working at home, that sort of thing. Balance would ensure that the mother's intellect won't rot and that her natural love for her child will show itself in ways the chld will understand - that is, she would be around, not gone all the time. Articles and books detail the conflict mothers face and suggest ways to find balance in lives that, with the advent of children, are out of whack.

Let me save you some money: In a life with chldren, balance does not exist. Once you're a parent, you can figure you'll be out of whack for the rest of your life..."

- Jane Junka

Mommy Wars pg. 313

Mommy Wars is officially my new favorite non-fiction book (this was my old one), so please forgive me if I quote from it excessively over the next several weeks -- or for the rest of my mommy centered years.

I've found myself in the midst of a battle. A battle with myself. Should I work? Should I not work? Should I work full-time? Should I work part-time? Although I've managed to craft a seemingly "ideal" situation for myself, I still struggle with guilt. When I'm with Bo, I feel like I should be working. When I'm working, I feel like I should be with Bo. And unfortunately, I think my scars from infertility compound this complex. I'm sure I'm not the only infertile who made deals with the devil and promised to be the best mommy ever if the powers that be would just allow me to become pregnant.

I'll be the first to admit, I was completely naive when I was TTC and pregnant. I never even fathomed that adding a baby to our lives would shift my priorities so much. I just assumed that I would go back to work, full-time, leave Bo with my mom and all would be fine and dandy. Then I actually had the baby...

Anne Marie Field's says it much more eloquently than I can on pg. 222 - "I didn't understand, though other mothers had tried to tell me, how much space mother love takes up. How it makes my heart feel too big and clumsy to fit in my chest, and brings pools of happy tears in the corners of my eyes."

If you're like me and struggling with where you fit and wrestling with what path to take - this is the perfect book for you. The book includes personal essays from SAHMs, WAHMs, WOHMs, and other variations of motherhood. I loved the honesty in the essays. I truly felt like I knew these women from their stories and was so glad to find that I'm not the only person who truly struggles with the intricate balance (or lack thereof) that is being a mother.

Having a baby is overpowering. And despite my protests to this before Bo was born, it really does change everything.

The most important lesson that I learned from this book is that my decision doesn't have to be stagnant. I can change my mind and tweak our situation to suit Bo's needs and our families needs as our lives change, as Bo grows older. No specific formula is going to work permanently. We will have to juggle and rearrange as time passes. And I won't always get it right but ultimately, if my main goal is to be a good Mommy, in the long-run, I will be.

This book isn't the magic potion that you need to figure it all out. But what it will provide is many perspectives from women who have been there and done that. Numerous personal essays to help each mom feel less alone and make the best decision for herself and her children.